There are thousands of books on how to have a happy marriage. However, I’m going to save you $19.95 and several hours. I have some authority in this area and can speak with great confidence about these. As a divorce attorney, I specialize in complex marriage cases. However, before the divorce begins, there are some ways to help your marriage before it ends. Below are 5 ways to strengthen your marriage and keep you out of divorce court.
1) Communication. Most divorces don’t end because of an affair or abuse. Most people that come to me about a divorce tell me they want a divorce because they have “grown apart." Translation? They don’t communicate. They have each become selfish and failed to make the small effort to communicate with each other. If you don’t know what to talk about, hold hands and walk around the block. Sometimes you can communicate without words.
2) Time. Couples start off wanting to spend every second together while they are dating. Then they get married, and they don’t spend quality time with each other. They stop going on dates. They become roommates rather than partners. Go on a weekly date with your spouse. It doesn’t have to be expensive.
3) Children. Some couples place their children in a higher position in their marriage than their spouse. Your children need your time, but if you are giving your children more quality time and attention than your spouse, make some changes quickly before you “grow apart."
4) Church. Professor Scott Stanley from the University of Denver, working with a team of leading sociologists, found in the Oklahoma Marriage Study that couples with a vibrant religious faith had higher levels of the qualities couples need to avoid divorce. The study found that "whether young or old, male or female, low-income or not, those who said that they were more religious reported higher average levels of commitment to their partners, higher levels of marital satisfaction, less thinking and talking about divorce and lower levels of negative interaction. These patterns held true when controlling for such important variables as income, education, and age at first marriage."
5) Marriage counseling. Your marriage is just like your body. You need a checkup every so often to make sure you are well. You don’t have to have problems to go see a marriage counselor. They can be a wealth of knowledge and can provide ideas to keep your marriage strong. Plus, it will give you or a chance to talk about things that may be bothering you about the marriage in a controlled environment that otherwise you would not talk about.
If you are married, nothing is more important than your marriage relationship. Fix it before it breaks.
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